34 Comments
User's avatar
Mike Pattinson's avatar

Who knew - I had a sub stack account.

Helen it’s an amazing ‘start’ - your writing is always fantastic. Emotionally literate, practical and just fucking amazing.

Keep writing when it helps you - and stop when it doesn’t.

I’m honoured to have you as a friend.

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

Thanks Mike. I so appreciate your constant support. The feeling's mutual.

Carolyn Reed's avatar

Reading this reminds me of our chats whilst walking up and down mountains. Your voice is clear and I can shut my eyes and ‘hear you’. Just love it. Love you lots xx

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

Thanks so much Carolyn. What special chats we had xxxxxx

ErinMac's avatar

Beautiful Helen, and all so true. I listened to you today on the breast cancer now podcast and the topic of grief …and really enjoyed your wide raging conversation and insights. I found it so inspiring, and so spot on and relatable. Thank you for sharing. You are a real gem! 💞

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

Ah thank you Erin - that’s a lovely message to wake up to! I’m glad it all speaks to you - hope other things I write do too xx

Emma Tagliavini's avatar

This was beautiful to read Helen, and as someone else has said, I could hear your voice throughout. I can relate wholeheartedly to much of your musings & look forward to reading more xxx

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

Thanks Emma - that means such a lot. I miss you - hope we can meet up soon! Xxx

vanessa Gaier's avatar

Wooooow you are truly a giant human! Your writing is so deeply splendid I am lost for my own adjectives. I’m IN wholeheartedly in, may the conversations begin and deepen.

What a gift you are to all of us. 💚

Jane's avatar

Blogging is great, and YOU blogging is the greatest. Thank you for sharing your multitude of gifts with us - Helen who's dying, yes, and Helen who's living; Helen the psychotherapist, the only child, the mum, the animal lover. Your perspectives are myriad and so, so needed. ❤️❤️❤️ I eagerly await the next installments.

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

❤️❤️❤️ incredibly grateful for your encouragement Jane

Fiona Macrae's avatar

Love your writing Helen, it resonates so much with me. Fxx

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

Thanks so much Fi - that really means a lot ❤️

Maryline Favreliere's avatar

Beautiful and powerful words . Thank you for sharing your story . It needs to be heard and encourage others to do the same and for others to know that they are not alone .

I look forward to reading more .

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

Thank you so much Maryline ❤️

Jacqui Lewis's avatar

Thank you Helen. What a brave and open thing to do. Makes me explore my mind too..I May eventually share with you too. Xxx

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

I’d love that Jacqui. Thank you ❤️

Sonia D's avatar

❤️❤️❤️

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

❤️❤️❤️ right back

Kirsty Parsons's avatar

So beautifully written. I am one for keeping things to myself. I was once given the name “Mary Poppins” and now I feel I can never live this down. Putting way too much pressure on myself. Thank you for sharing so far xx

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

Thank you Kirsty. It's not for everyone, putting stuff out there. It's certainly taken me a long time to do it. Just feels right, now. xx

Jo Tomlinson's avatar

It’s amazing Helen, just like you really! Xx

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

Thank you. You started me on this whole track all those years ago! xxx

Helen A's avatar

Bloody brilliant to read your voice Helen xxx

Laura Price's avatar

Love it, Helen. Looking forward to reading more of your words and thinking 'yes, exactly this!' xx

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

Thanks Laura - that means so much. xx

Asha's avatar

Beautiful writing and thoughts Helen. Thank you so much. I have been thinking about how automatically I reply "fine" when people ask 'How are you?' usually not expecting an authentic answer. Your blog is giving me courage to speak my truth. Thank you my beautiful friend.

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

Thank you Asha. Your truth is part of the energy of this, and I'm profoundly grateful for that xxx

Penny Deakin's avatar

This is beautiful and brave Helen. Please do continue to write, what you have to say needs to be shared - for you and for others. Love you x

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx love you more :)

Nyk's avatar

As you asked how being alive was and in response to your beautiful boldness:

Apparently we wear masks on Halloween to scare off the spirits that can come close as the veil between life and death is particularly thin then. This Halloween I was curled up on my sofa watching a film. I’d read your beautiful open hearted post. I was on my own. Apart from two dogs and two cats. So, I wasn’t on my own.

I’d been thinking about the ghosts of generations past – wondering what might happen if I stopped hiding from them and sat down with them. I don’t really know what that would look like but I’ve been suggesting it to Laurie so I thought I might suggest it to myself.

Mid way through the film I was surprised by a kind of howl - sorrowful and deep – genuinely surprised - even though it appeared to be coming from me and didn’t seem remotely connected to what Bill Nighy was doing on my TV screen. It didn’t last long – but there it was – my dogs and my cats moved quietly closer. I had imagined that opening my heart might be a gentle process of flowering compassion but it seems it’s a lot more than that - wilder – a bit scary if I’m honest. Anyway, increasingly, I’m choosing not to wear a mask. I feel like somehow that is connected to opening my heart.

I’ve been wondering what might happen next.

My Heart in My Two Hands's avatar

I wonder too. Opening my heart has definitely included much compassion - for myself and others - and it is definitely a wilder process than I knew

.